The Golden Child Syndrome

Colin Pulicella

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I can’t say that Narcissists raised me, but I am a victim of the Golden Child syndrome. In my family, I was the one who got the more praise/approval from my parents when it came to schoolwork or sports accomplishments.

You are probably wondering what is the Golden Child Syndrome? And how does that relate to a narcissist?

If the parent chooses one of the children as the Golden Child then you have to have the Scapegoat to be the other child and as you do this one child reaps the benefits while the other child suffers. In an article on daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com it explains this dilemma,

“The Golden Child, as the name suggests, is the best and most wonderful child – at least in the eyes of the Narcissistic Mother. It seems to be that the Narcissistic Mother picks the Golden Child to be an extension of herself, onto whom she projects all her own supposed wonderfulness. The Scapegoat on the other hand is, also as the name suggests, the person on whom all the ills of the family are projected. They can do no right. Their major achievements are dismissed. Any money spent on them is the bare minimum and is spent begrudgingly.”

I sometimes think back to when my sister and I were younger. If I were only more aware of what my parents were doing, then I might have been able to change the path my sister eventually went down.

I believe when she was first introduced to drugs started when she was in high school, shocking right. It was her first serious relationship and right off the bat my family did not embrace my sisters new boyfriend Garrett.

As she continued to protect Garrett and as he continued to introduce my sister to drugs my parents started to care less and less and my sister found herself down a road that was dark and very lonely. It took my parents a very long time to start caring again.

It was a lot harder for my dad than it was for my mother to try and help my sister. So my mom, as any mother would do, could not help herself to keep trying as many times as it took to get my sister back on the right path.

With the help from God, my parent’s change of heart and my sister’s realization of her destructive ways. My sister finally went to rehab and is now coming back from that dark and lonely road that she once was on and is now ready to new start a new path of her own.

I always laughed or brush it off when my sister calls me the “Golden Child,” but now I think my sister was right. In return my sister was the scapegoat in a lot of ways, due to the fact that my sister was more rebellious than I ever was.

She would always see that line my parent’s set and loved to challenge it. This quote sums it up perfectly, “The scapegoat is the cause of all the ills of the family, and the golden child is exalted, lavished with attention and praise. While the golden child functions as the pride and joy whose successes are celebrated and failures are airbrushed away or, through narcissist contortionism, attributed to the scapegoat.”

In order to prevent this syndrome, I believe all families need and should try to follow a simple checklist in order to prevent hurt feelings and to be able to stop those corroded family relationships that can be effected while favoring one child over the other.

Doctor Ellen Weber Libby, who is a highly respected Doctor and has this great theory in which she believes that families should use a check list and must be willing to follow it as well,

“All family members must value it, and everyone has to be willing to work for it. Everyone must

1. LISTEN to each other;

2. RESPECT different viewpoints;

3. STRIVE to accept the truth of different perceptions;

4. WORK deliberately at not being defensive;

5. FEEL safe to express words of personal truth.”

My parents never planed to make me the Golden Child on purpose. In stead I feel they just became to fed up with my sister due to the fact that she was always willing to bend and push the limits of my parents rules.

If families follow this checklist than there can be a better chance for every family to Communicate, Feel, Respect and Work together for better core values.